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facing it

The last time I sat down with any seriousness to write a blog post was in October. Now it’s January. I thought about writing constantly while I worked or cleaned or drove and even felt bursts of motivation many times since then but still, somehow, nearly 85 days passed before I really made the push to let a stream of consciousness take me somewhere. There’s something gut wrenchingly unnerving about that. I could write it off as the end of year craziness, holiday rushing around, or another thing thrown off by 2020, but I think the reality is that those are all excuses I should be trying to write off using.  I remember being a kid and romanticizing the idea of things being hazy. Every character I wrote up for every Harry Potter RPG (and there were dozens) I would describe the same way, “all hazy eyes and some-physically-attractive-trait-here.” (re: “all hazy eyes and messy hair” or “a mess of hazy eyes and gangly limbs”)  A decade later it’s unfathomable to me to find ‘hazy’ as...
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this is the thing

 There's something in long form blogging that really pulls me in. It's probably the same something that has always made it hard for me to actually participate in blogging. Something a little too honest and revealing for someone who's always been a little too self conscious. But despite what is surely double digit failed attempts at blogging under my belt, I feel like there's a possibility, however remote it still might be, that this is a muscle I can work in these weird times.   I want to iron out my own thoughts about different things in a more tangible way. There's just so much strangeness this year and the pressure makes it hard to follow one single line of conscious thought. So I'm going to look at this as an exercise. Something between a journal and a kind of meditative dumping. And I'm going to attempt to not look at everything in such a meta way, but I also just want to see what kind of content I'd even want to create if I just started walking do...
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